Teaching Our Children That Every Moment Matters
I recently moved to a rental building in New York City on a temporary basis. The building is filled with young professionals, mostly in their mid-twenties to early thirties. I am the only person with children in the building. In the elevator and lobby, everyone is always on the phone or listening to music. I say hello and goodbye to people, and if there is nothing loud in their ears they will smile back at me. Once in a while, I get a hello back. I also have stood in the elevator with them screaming on the phone and not even acknowledging (or noticing) that I was sharing the same small space. I am sure that there are very nice people living in my new temporary quarters, but the individuals who walk through the lobby with their eyes facing down are becoming part of a faceless society. Has technology progressed to such an extent that we are now losing our ability to even acknowledge the presence of another person?
What is also happening is that all of these young adults are not experiencing their surroundings. First, it is not very safe to walk in the street, a store or anywhere else when you are distracted by music or speaking on a phone. Second, this behavior creates a mindset that where you are going is more important than the process of getting there (the in-between has no relevance). The meeting, the dinner party or whatever you are planning for tomorrow is deemed more important than walking in the street and being present for your neighbors, the sounds, the trees and to life happening around you. Who knows all that could be if we all were present to experience every moment, as well as each person with whom we come in contact everyday?
This really got me thinking about my children who are growing up as part of this electronics-obsessed generation. I need to teach them about personally integrating themselves with the world and experiencing all parts of life. So, I have set up these simple standards and rules that I try to live by when I leave my home everyday. I share it with them and hope they watch and learn from me how to be aware and present individuals:
1. I always get off the cellphone when I enter a building, my children’s school or a store. I don’t speak on my cellphone in the elevator unless it is an emergency. If I must finish up a call, then I stand outside or at a place far from the elevator. This way I am more present for what I am there to do and available for interactions with other people.
2. I say hello and goodbye to everyone on the elevator or in any close area in a store or restaurant. My children get to watch me speak to people I do not know. I realize that this has to be balanced out with the idea that children should not speak to strangers, but I still must teach them to be respectful people and to be part of the community.
3. I limit wearing headphones or speaking on the phone when I walk in the street. Otherwise, it is not only distracting, but feeds a tendency to be removed from our surroundings and results in discourteous behavior to all around us. I find people bump into me more often when they are distracted by their electronics. It is especially a danger to those with special needs and the elderly. I also try not to speak on my phone when I am driving my car.
4. I teach my children that their walk to school or the car ride is just as important as being in class at school. The subway ride to go to the dentist is just as important as the dentist appointment itself. Saying hello to someone in the hallway at school is just as important as the play date after school. Every moment is living and I don’t want my children believing that there is anything more important than where they are in the moment.
These are just some very simple rules to begin to teach our children the importance of limiting the use of electronics, and being more present in life to better experience human relationships and learn interpersonal skills. I hope these practices will be a successful beginning for all of our children to understand that every moment matters. Just Maybe.